“When you are enthusiastic about what you do, you feel this positive energy. It's very simple." - Paulo Coelho
It would be four years of foreplay before we’d ever meet, many, many years ago. He found me on the internet, before online dating was a thing. I had a small portfolio website and he decided to reach out, say a few kind words and hit “send.” When he did, I was flattered, curious and bewildered that such a kind soul would take a few minutes to send a sweet note with no expectations. It caught me by surprise, and the timing was amazing, as I was still recovering from a painful divorce. This uplifting moment in the middle of an otherwise mundane workday left me awestruck with the kindness of a stranger, so of course I had to check him out.
What I found was that he also had a humble website for his then side hustle (yes, that was a thing back in the 90’s too). There were pictures of him among pages of information about his practice, his spirituality, and wow he was very attractive! I sat with the thought of him for a minute and decided if and how I would write back. When I did, I must admit I was a little flirty, and yet somewhat guarded because I didn’t know who this person really was. But he was definitely intriguing, and I secretly hoped that someday we would meet.
Before long, we had some back-and-forth emails, typical “getting to know each other” prose, nothing too sexual just yet, but it wasn’t long before we we’re spilling many intimate secrets with each other. I’ll have to say that I anxiously checked my emails every day waiting to hear more from him. Whenever he did pop-up, I melted a little bit. Who was this sexy stranger from 500 miles away? I had to know more.
As it turned out he was also working as a technology consultant at the time like me, so we had more of a connection than we previously knew. The obvious attraction, even over such a distance and without ever meeting in person or talking on the phone… there was an energy that came through very strong. There was such an obvious deep chemistry and attraction we felt for each other. I never had to wait too long for a response and didn't keep him waiting either. We’d flirt a bit, then some days we had many more exchanges, and eventually started sharing pictures. But nothing too crazy just yet.
Our words and the energy that came through with every single word between us was something so intense, very real, sensationally erotic. The anticipation of what the conversation would hold next was thrilling. As I remember, he used to say the word “thrill” quite often. He would say how he would love to devour me, there was something so extraordinary about this sexy stranger who desired me so much. Yet from afar, perhaps that was part of the appeal, leaving some mystery in this connection with someone I’d probably never meet in person.
Whoever I was dating locally at the time received the full benefit of these other flirtations. I found it to be enough of a saucy little secret that added some spice, nobody really needed to know why. I know he felt the same with the situation in his life, as I eventually found out he had a girlfriend. But this outside energetic entanglement really didn’t seem to be hurting anybody, we never spoke of our outside relationships. What we had was exclusively about the two of us as free-spirited souls and how we inhabited these bodies that we exist in for a few decades before leaving this realm.
The initial frequency and consistency of these communications would slow a bit, then unexpectedly, sometimes we’d end up flirting all day. Always a pleasant surprise, it didn’t matter if he or I that initiated our entertaining chats. He was always blissfully distracting, exciting, sexy and invariably made me appreciate my feminine goddess energy. He would express how good I looked and remind me how strong his desires were. No matter what difficulties were present at the time, he was always welcome and would light me up. Who doesn’t want to be lit up now and then?
This pattern would continue for almost four years that we would continue these random emails and that was the gist of our virtual relationship, as it were. Who knows if we would ever meet? But the thought of it was enough to keep us captivated with desire. Desire is everything, without it, the magic ceases to exist.
Because we both traveled for work, I had a feeling that at some point the stars would align and we would be at the same place at the same time, perhaps to find each other together in a hotel room to live out the fantasies during one of these trips. Eventually, as fate would have it, I traveled to a friend’s wedding where he lived. I was extremely excited knowing there was a chance we could meet in the flesh after all this time! Actually, I was more than excited, I had tantalizing butterflies. I made arrangements to share a room with another wedding guest to keep my costs down. It wasn’t likely that we would have much time together, but I needed to meet this “admire-amor.”
Needless to say, he cleared his schedule and agreed to meet me at a quaint little park. He made it easy for me because I was unfamiliar with the city, so it was near my hotel. When we saw each other on that beautiful sunny day, there it was, that supernatural energy that had been flowing between us for the last four years. It finally got to land on us, in the flesh and our souls were set ablaze. If someone had been around to take one of those aura photos, we would have been hidden amongst all of the cosmic light surrounding us as we embraced for what seemed like an eternity in that moment.
Both nervously smiling ear to ear, we walked around, got some coffee and talked about anything and everything. He held my hand and made me feel like a precious gem, just the same way he did with all of those communications over the years. We eventually sat down on a park bench, and I know there were many other people walking around, it’s not like we were the only people out in the park on that gorgeous autumn day, but it felt like we were the only souls in universe in that moment. Once again, he wrapped his arms around me like a long-lost friend. It felt so good, I didn’t want that moment to end, and it remains in my memory like a cherished treasure. It felt timeless, as if nothing and nobody else existed in that space, whatever time had actually passed in reality. When he kissed me, I felt it to the core of my being and was transported to an ethereal bliss. I know we must have kissed quite a while before losing track of time altogether.
We slowly made our way to his car, and he drove me back to my hotel. We sat there in the car for a while and continued making out like a couple of horny teenagers, right there in his car, in the hotel parking lot. I wanted him so much and then I noticed a picture of him... and his girlfriend, so I asked about it. He was a bit awkward and said something to brush it off, maybe they were on a break, or maybe they hadn’t broken up yet. In the pleasure-high state I was in, I honestly don’t remember, but it was definitely a signal for me to move on with my day. I still had to get back up to the room, meet up with my wedding roommate and get dressed up for the upcoming festivities. The pre-wedding party was that night and neither of us (my roommate and myself) really wanted much of the food after the traffic and stress of finding the venue.
The next day was the wedding, and there was a spectacular full moon. All things considered; it was an enchanted evening. I remember it was perhaps the first time feeling joyfully emotional and crying happy tears. Seeing my friend get married after the many challenges she had overcome left me feeling overjoyed for her future. Through the awkwardness I felt from being an outsider at this event, having a lovely but unfamiliar roommate, and still a bit love-drunk from my encounter, everything was subdued with all of the exhilaration I’d experienced so far. Even sharing a room with a stranger worked out well as we bonded for the weekend, as kindred spirits do.
After returning home, now having a full sensory appreciation of my admire-amor, we graduated from emails to texting on those long-ago push-button cell phones. We were sexting long before it was “a thing.” We also spoke every now and then, and whenever we did, I was right back there on that park bench, in his arms and feeling every last sensation.
Eventually, I had to travel on a project that would enthusiastically reunite us. This time, we were both out-of-town, away from everybody and would be able to completely relax and consummately explore each other. We were texting and had planned to meet up one night after work. I remember drawing a bath, lighting candles and anticipating the mind-blowing sex we’d have, until I got a call. He said he was tied up, and being a little kinky, who knows if he meant it in actuality. Regardless, he said he couldn’t make it out to see me because he was stuck working late with an unreasonable deadline, but he still wanted to talk. I told him I was naked in the bathtub, wishing he was there with me. He told me all the things he would do to me if that were the case. At this point I was turned on and disappointed yet believed it may still happen while we were in such close proximity.
I left the candles burning and put on a sexy nightgown, planned to relax a bit further, and enjoy pleasuring myself with the thought of our sensuous exchanges. We were still talking, so it was almost as if he was right there. Then just as I turned down the lights and slid into my bed, I heard a soft knock on the door. I got up and quietly looked through the peephole believing it must have been the neighbor but no... there he was on the other side of door. I was so shocked and excited that I couldn’t open the door fast enough. When he came in, I jumped up in his arms and we kissed, and he held me and twirled me around before throwing me down on the bed. At that point, I have no recollection of the words we exchanged. From the outside, we must have looked like one of those sensual sculptures where the man and woman are entangled as one as we embraced, kissed, touched, got naked and he was eager to please me in every way.
Looking back, I knew his size was more than I had been accustomed to. Long before that night, he gave me a private video show, playing submissive and doing what I instructed him to do. His bold sexual nature always impressed me as he was otherwise remarkably quiet and subdued. He asked if I could take him all in, and I was very cocky (pun intended), telling him that his seductive prowess would undoubtedly open my floodgates to gladly welcome his fierce manhood. When he sent me a picture, and later enjoyed our video play, I questioned my assertion because it looked like the man had a long tail between his legs.
Back to the hotel, he barely had to touch me, kissing me head to toe, I came a lot and begged him to continue. Then he asked if I had any condoms (of course I did). When I revealed his size protection, he was surprised and pleased. Reaching for the large gold package he quickly tore it open and put it on and in no time at all he was inside of me. We breathed each other in for hours, he was able to climax yet not fully release until he wanted to, and I felt like a very lucky girl that night. He gave me an ecstatic and eternal memory to recall on demand whenever I wanted. Another of his favorite words was “yummy” and as I remember him fondly over the years, yummy is the best description for this amazing man and his spiritually sassy nature which made him so very delectable.
Our communication eventually faded and years later I wondered how he was doing. In a mysterious way as he came into my mind on a random day, at a random time, as I sat thinking about him and looked him up. His website was gone, so I searched more and found that he had passed away. I was devastated because of the tragic loss for this world to be without such a shiny spirit. I read all of the condolences from so many people that held him in such high regard. He battled for with cancer for a couple of years and it sounded like he was well supported by his community of friends and family. It felt good knowing that he was so cherished by everyone he came in contact with, and when he left this place, he had that comfort of knowing how much he was beloved. My not so secret admire-amor will always have a special place in my heart.
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